I Won't Let You Go
by sktrgrl13
Summary: Virgil does something that nearly tears the family apart... will the Tracys be able to pull everything back together? Can Scott save Virgil from himself? **Can be a little dark** REPOSTED hopefully I fixed it enough so it wont be a problem


**Disclaimer: I do not own Thunderbirds or the characters and "I Won't Let Go" by Rascal Flatts is used but the lyrics are altered **

"Why Virg, why'd you do it?"

Scott sat anxiously by his middle brother's bed clinging tightly to the immovable, frail hand. Dark circles stood out against Virgil's frost white skin and an oxygen mask was donned on his face to ease his breathing as he slept. Despite his frail appearance and sickly pale skin, Scott could've believed that his brother would wake up at any moment and walk right out of the infirmary as if nothing happened. He always told himself this until his eyes would linger on the white gauze bandages encircling both of Virgil's frail wrists. Scott closed his cobalt blue eyes, trying to imagine Virgil as he was before, but he struggled to do it; the haunting memory kept breaking through and tortured Scott with every ounce of its power. He tried to forcibly stop the tears from falling like a cascading waterfall down his normally stoic face.

"Scott," A voice whispered from behind him, "Are you going to be alright?"

"What do you think John?" Scott muttered spitefully, "Do I look alright?"

"No, quite honestly you look like shit."

Scott's head whipped around and he glared at his calm, blonde, immediate younger brother,

"John, you weren't there, you didn't find him on the bathroom floor drenched in his own blood!" He cried, "I knew something was up, he lost so much weight, he avoided me, he stopped painting, and his piano remained untouched for weeks… John I should've known as soon as he stopped playing it, I should've forced him to talk to me, I should've done more, I should've protected him, and I should've—"

Before he could say anything else John had gone to Scott and wrapped his arms firmly around his oldest brother holding him close as he cried into his shoulder. John, the brother who avoided physical contact as much as possible had initiated the comfort that Scott needed; he just wished that John hadn't. John whispered soothing words Scott as started to calm down. After a few moments Scott pulled away from John and gave him the most grateful smile he could muster at the time. Scott turned back to Virgil and placed his hand over his once more; John sat on Virgil's other side and took his other hand; out of habit he pushed Virgil's chestnut brown hair out of his closed eyes. The two oldest brothers sat in silence just handling the situation to the best of their abilities. After what seemed like hours, Scott finally spoke again.

"How're Gordon, Alan and Dad doing?"

John sighed, not wanting to tell his stressed older brother what was going on, but he knew that if he didn't he would hear about it later,

"Gordon refuses to get out of the pool, he's been in there for over four hours and he won't take a break; Alan is still on Thunderbird 5, but he wants to come home for couple days and then add a couple days more to his rotation; he can't do that though until Dad gives the okay…"

"What hasn't Dad given the okay?" Scott interrupted.

John bit his lip, "Dad has locked himself in his office… again."

"He WHAT?!"

"Scott calm down, you know this is how he deals with things—"

"I don't give a shit!" Scott yelled, "He should be with his son, not hiding in his office like a fucking coward!"

Before John could stop him Scott had gotten to his feet and stormed out of the room. One thing that John knew for sure was that there was going to be an explosion of Scott proportions.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTB

Scott's first stop was the pool, he didn't care if he had to drag Gordon out by the scruff of his neck, he was going to get him out of the pool and into the infirmary to visit his brother. When Scott entered the pool area he immediately saw Gordon swimming lengths of the pool. His brother's normally graceful strokes seemed choppy and panicked.

"Gordon!" Scott called out.

Gordon stopped swimming and looked up at Scott, his amber eyes full of pain and worry. He swam over to Scott and leaned on the side of the pool, making no attempt to get out.

"Hey Scott, what's up?" He forced a smile.

"Gordon," Scott repeated, "Why won't you get out of the pool?"

The red head's smile dropped and he looked sullen again,

"Because, it's the only way I can cope."

Gordon glanced down at his hands and a few tear drops escaped into the pool,

"Scott, why would he do it?"

Scott sighed sadly, "I wish I knew Gords, believe me I do."

"Can you please get out of the pool, I need a wing man."

Gordon raised an eyebrow, "A wing man for what?"

"I'm going to Thunderbird 5 to get Alan and I need some help, want to come?"

"Hell yeah, about time good ol' Scotty broke the rules!" He tried to joke, "Why isn't Dad getting Alan?"

Scott glared towards his father's office,

"Because, he's going to get a good ass kicking from yours truly."

TBTBTBTBTBTB

Jeff Tracy sat alone in his office staring wishfully at the smiling picture of his middle son. Virgil's arm was wrapped around the shoulders of his closest brothers, Scott and John with Alan and Gordon on either side of the older brothers. Jeff smiled at the memory as he remembered the tomato red sunburn Gordon received. His brothers would purposefully slap him on the back just to get revenge for all the pranks Gordon has played, but he only retaliated by dying all their underwear and white shirts bright pink. For the first time in years, Jeff took a swig of Scotch to try and bury the sorrows that Virgil had brought upon the family. When Scott had come running in holding Virgil in his arms, drenched in blood he thought that he would lose his only reminder of Lucy; when he discovered the cause of Virgil's blood loss, he already knew that his son was lost. Jeff was about to pour another glass of Scotch when the door to his office burst open revealing two furious sons standing in the doorway.

"Scott, Gordon," Jeff hid his Scotch under the table, "What can I do for you boys?"

Scott stormed into the room and slapped his palms onto his father's desk,

"Get your ass out of this office and get down to the infirmary now."

"Excuse me?" Jeff demanded his face reddening, "How dare you speak to me like that?!"

Scott's cobalt blue eyes glared at his father darkly and then he backed away from the desk. He folded his arms across his chest in clear defiance,

"You heard me; do I have to repeat myself?"

"Scott Carpenter Tracy you will never speak to me in that tone, do you understand me?!"

"Oh I understand perfectly," He spat, "You don't give a rat's ass about Virgil!"

In one swift movement Jeff got out of his desk and smacked Scott across the face. Gordon flinched at the sound as it echoed through the stale office; it was like Gordon had received a smack himself. A bright red handprint was beginning to appear on Scott's tanned cheek, but he just continued to glare at his father.

"Well, if you refuse to see your son, at least go to Thunderbird 5 and bring Alan down." Scott turned towards the door, "At least to let Virg know that his brothers care."

"Scott I…"

But he was already gone. Scott left Gordon and Jeff standing in the office with the tense air still left behind. Jeff watched Gordon sadly as the second youngest son refused to look him in the eye.

"So," Jeff swallowed, "Are you going to come with me to get Alan?"

Gordon nodded stiffly and walked past Jeff without looking at him,

"We better get going," He muttered, "I want to get Alan and get back to Virgil as soon as possible."

Jeff watched Gordon go down to the Thunderbird 3 silo, tears threatening to overwhelm him. Once again his family was crumbling around him and once again it was his fault.

TBTBTBTBTBTB

Scott walked back into the infirmary as quietly as possible just in case John had fallen asleep, but was surprised to see John staring at him with worry.

"What's up John?" Scott hurried over, "Did something happen?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing," John grimaced as he examined Scott's cheek, "Dad's drinking again isn't he."

He hadn't asked it as a question, but Scott nodded any way. He let his eyes linger on Virgil again willing his honey brown eyes to open once more,

"Has anything changed?"

John shook his head solemnly, "At one point I thought I saw his eyes flutter, but I was wrong."

Scott squeezed John's shoulder reassuringly and John's electric blue eyes glazed over as tears began to fall down his cheeks.

"John," No answer, "Johnny, go take a break, I'll sit in with him for a while. You can go meet Gordon and Dad when Alan gets home."

John nodded robotically and left the infirmary with his head in his hands. Scott's already broken heart seemed to shatter into even more pieces. He took his seat beside Virgil and held his hand in his; he leaned over his head and ran his hand through Virgil's hair just as John did hours before. Scott laid his head on the sheets next to Virgil's hands and when he was sure no one was around he cried himself to sleep.

The feeling of someone's hands running through his dark hair woke him up. He opened his eyes and searched for the source of the hand; he found it instantly. Even though the sun was now setting he could see Virgil's honey brown orbs staring down at him sadly as he stroked his big brother's head,

"Virg?" He croaked in disbelief.

"I'm so sorry Scotty." A single tear rolled down his cheek, "I'm so sorry."

Without a word Scott jumped to his feet and pulled Virgil into the tightest hug he was willing to give. He had to remind himself to be careful when he could feel Virgil's ribs against his own; he was so small. Scott felt a rush of relief when Virgil wrapped his arms tightly around Scott's neck and sobbed into his shoulder. He kept repeating the words "I'm sorry" over and over again. He reluctantly pulled away and ran his hand through Virgil's hair again, assuring himself that he was there.

"How long have you been up?" Scott asked soothingly.

"A few hours," Virgil sighed, "Long enough to see John, Gordon, Alan and Dad."

"Dad was down here?"

"Yeah, but he couldn't even look me in the eye." Virgil shook his head, "I'm more of a failure now than I was before, how pathetic."

Scott's eyebrows furrowed together,

"What are you talking about Virg?"

"It's nothing Scotty," He forced a reassuring smile, "It's all behind me."

Scott's concern only worsened. He absently rubbed his hand over the bandages on Virgil's left wrist. He tried to pull away, but Scott refused to let go. He glanced at Virgil with teary cobalt blue eyes and whispered softly,

"Virgil, please tell me what happened."

Virgil's own eyes began to fill with tears again. It broke his heart to see his older brother like this; to see his rock crumbling into millions of pieces. He tore Scott's hands of his wrists and began to unravel the bandages. Scott made noises of protest, trying to signal to Virgil that he should keep those on, but Virgil ignored him. As the bandages floated to the floor Scott's voice caught in his throat. So many pale white scars decorated Virgil's wrists and a thick, deep red one stood out the most at the base of his left wrist. Virgil started to point out all the scars on his wrists and explain what each cut meant. To Scott all the reasoning was absurd, but he listened to everything Virgil had to say. When Virgil was finished it looked as if he was going to burst into tears all over again; as odd as it was for Virgil to see Scott cry, it was just as odd for Scott to see Virgil cry. Scott grabbed new clean bandages and began to wrap them around his brother's forearms slowly. When he got to the first scar, Scott stopped and gazed into his middle brother's saddened eyes,

"This First scar, you had no reason to blame yourself for this mission. Yes, you were with Gordon when he got hurt, but that doesn't make you responsible." He hid it behind the bandage.

He repeated the process for each scar on both wrists, barely able to believe that his brother would think of any of these things. He finally got to the last three scars on Virgil's wrist and had to swallow the lump that was rising in his throat.

"Virg, you know that we all love you. We could never hate you because you look like mom, just because you resemble her we won't resent you. Your love for music and art is what helped keep mom alive over the years. When she died, it felt like the world was going to end. We had to let her go without a fight, it was just her time; but Virg, it's not even close to your time yet. I'm going to stand by you Virg; I'm going to be there to handle the things that you can't on your own; because even if you beg me to I won't ever let you go, Virgil Grissom Tracy, never. You're so important to this family and without you in it we would just fall apart. We love you Virg… I love you." Scott covered the rest of the scars and kissed the top of Virgil's head.

Virgil wrapped his arms around Scott and squeezed him tightly,

"I love you too, I love all of you. Thank you Scotty, thank you for everything."

When the two boys moved out of their embrace they noticed they had an audience. John, Gordon, Alan, even their father were standing in the doorway of the infirmary. Not a single eye was dry, but this time Scott and Virgil knew that they were tears of relief. Alan ran over to Virgil and nearly jumped into his arms. The second blonde Tracy was trembling as Virgil soothed him quietly; the rest of the Tracys made their way to Virgil's bed side and enveloped him a tight knit hug.

"I'm so sorry son, I'm sorry." Jeff whispered.

"It's okay Dad," Virgil genuinely smiled for the first time in months, "I'm going to be okay."

TWO MONTHS LATER

The sound of the white baby grand piano engulfed the Tracy household for the first time in many months. With a smile firmly planted on his face, Scott made his way to "Virgil's Room" to watch his other half. Even after two months Virgil was already starting to look better; he had agreed to speak to a therapist and slowly but surely all of Virgil's weight was beginning to return. Scott was mesmerized as his brother's hand danced gracefully across the keys, but the tune he was playing didn't sound familiar. As if sensing his brother's presence, Virgil stopped playing and smiled up at his oldest brother.

"Hey Scott, what's up?"

"Nothing, just wanted to see what you were playing."

Virgil moved over on his bench and then tapped the empty seat beside him,

"Come here and I'll show you."

Scott hesitantly walked over and sat on the bench next to Virgil. It had been years since Scott had sat next to his brother while he played and honestly Scott missed the experience. Virgil closed his eyes and began to play, Scott immediately became entrapped by the beauty emitting from the piano. Virgil took a deep breath and then his melodic singing embraced the air in the room,

_It's like a storm  
That cuts a path  
It breaks my will  
It feels like that_

I think I'm lost  
But I'm not lost on my own  
I'm not alone

You will stand by me  
You will help me through  
When I've done all I can do  
If I can't cope  
You will dry my eyes  
You will fight my fight  
You will hold me tight  
And you won't let go

It hurts your heart  
To see me cry  
I know it's dark  
This part of life  
Oh it finds us all  
And we're too small  
To stop the rain  
Oh but when it rains

You will stand by me  
You will help me through  
When I've done all I can do  
And I can't cope  
You will dry my eyes  
You will fight my fight  
You will hold me tight

And you won't let me fall  
Don't be afraid to fall  
You're right here to catch me  
I won't let you down  
It won't get you down  
I'm gonna make it  
Yeah I know I can make it

Cause you will stand by me  
You will help me through  
When I've done all I can do  
And I can't cope  
And you will dry my eyes  
You will fight my fight  
You will hold me tight  
And you won't let go  
Oh you're gonna hold me  
And I won't let go  
Won't let you go

No I won't..

When Virgil finished playing the brothers sat in silence for a moment, worried that even one word would break the magic. Virgil glanced up at his brother and put his hand on his shoulder,

"Thank you for everything Scott, without you this song would never have been created and without you I wouldn't be here today. Thank you."

Scott ran his hand through Virgil's chestnut brown hair affectionately gazing at him with love and pride,

"Thank you Virg for not giving up."


End file.
